Afraid to tell my mom!

[lecruz]

This may seem like an odd comment. I'm a 28 year old woman living across the country from her mother and has a lot of anxiety about telling her that not only has she been learning to ride a motorcycle, she recently just bought one! (woohoo for my first bike! :yahoo:)

I can't expect you to help me make this situation go well, but I would appreciate any stories or advice in dealing with a loved one (friend, family, partner) who views riding as a dangerous and extreme thing. I know that her anger will come from a place of concern. How do you respond to, "but it's so dangerous!" or "do you want to die??" I told her recently that I ride on the back of my BF's bike and she said she would "pray for me." Ahhh the guilt. So conflicted. Curse this loving attachment to my family! I'm an adult dammit! Okay I'm done now.:lol:

[Gitana]

So don't tell her. Easy peasy.

[Rottiedog]

I'm a 41 year-old mother and my dad wouldn't talk to me for a week. So, you're not alone. It's been hard for me to not tell because I live on their property around the corner. As for you, it sounds like keeping it secret would be hard but minimizing what you say would probably help. My sister's a physical therapist and she;s told me horror stories of motorcyclists who've been her patients. She doesn't even want to know about my bike so I don't say anything. We talk about other stuff. If your relatives bring it up first then just say that you'll be excited to tell them all about it when they're ready to listen minus the lecture.

P.S. It is good that they're concerned, though. Sounds like a cool family.

[coffee_brake]

It may take some time for the family to accept that you're taking life by the horns.
We all have to mitigate the risks of whatever we do, how we see fit.

Congrats on your first bike, perhaps relaying a story of a fun, successful, safe ride my be the best way to tell Mom?

My mom's a squid on a Sportster, I really do worry for her...I tell ya, moms these days...:lol:

[Luna Tique]

Motorcycling is dangerous.....:shrug:Yes they can be.


Family and friends are quick to mention young riders and fatalities so mention that there are many old riders still on the road .:thumbup:
Many have been riding 35-60 years and are still alive and riding.

Tell her about me and many of our members here with decades of riding experience and thousands of miles on two wheels.

Tell her you have taken precautions and purchased the proper gear and have taken lessons to learn to be a skillful rider.

Tell her of your practice times in the parking lot honing those new skills.
Ease her mind and tell her you did not buy a rocket for your first bike but rather a sensible machine to learn on so you can become proficient in street skills.

Tell her you are NOT doing this to dress in black and look cool but instead you have found something that pulls at your heart strings and is making you happy.

Tell her she did not raise a reckless child but a woman with her feet planted firmly on the ground.

Tell her how much you will be saving with the gas prices.:D:

She will most likely always voice certain ( it's her job she is a Mom) and as long as it's constructive that is OK :thumbup:


or you can do what I did. Show up at her house and tell her it followed me home :lol:

[Cyclone67]

Since the cat is out of the bag, so to speak. I would just let her know that you're going about it smartly (training, gear, ect). Over time she may accept it, or it may just have to be one of those things that you avoid!

I don't have this problem myself -- my Mom grew up around bikes and my Dad knows I'm capable of handling myself.

[Astir]

Motorcycling is dangerous.....:shrug:Yes they can be.


Family and friends are quick to mention young riders and fatalities so mention that there are many old riders still on the road .:thumbup:
Many have been riding 35-60 years and are still alive and riding.

Tell her about me and many of our members here with decades of riding experience and thousands of miles on two wheels.

Tell her you have taken precautions and purchased the proper gear and have taken lessons to learn to be a skillful rider.

Tell her of your practice times in the parking lot honing those new skills.
Ease her mind and tell her you did not buy a rocket for your first bike but rather a sensible machine to learn on so you can become proficient in street skills.

Tell her you are NOT doing this to dress in black and look cool but instead you have found something that pulls at your heart strings and is making you happy.

Tell her she did not raise a reckless child but a woman with her feet planted firmly on the ground.

Tell her how much you will be saving with the gas prices.:D:

She will most likely always voice certain ( it's her job she is a Mom) and as long as it's constructive that is OK :thumbup:


or you can do what I did. Show up at her house and tell her it followed me home :lol:


:wootrock: Completely agree with LT!

Now to go find that thread about your new bike. I know you have posted pictures for us... :D:

[zee]

I didn't tell my mom that I was thinking about it, didn't mention a word at all. I wanted to share my excitement with friends on Facebook but my mom's on there and I wasn't ready to tell her yet. I took the MSF course and started buying gear, then found my bike on a Sunday. Monday morning on my way to work, I called ... and woke her up. Oops. I told her I was so excited, I wanted to share with her that I'd taken the MSF course and bought my first bike.

There was absolute silence on the other end of the line.

I said, "I know you don't know how to respond, but I didn't want to keep this a secret from you. I'm excited about it and wanted to share." Then I waited.

After a little more silence, she finally replied, very quietly. "Thank you for sharing. I love you. Goodbye." And hung up.

That actually went better than I'd expected! "Cool" I thought, at least that's over with. On Saturday afternoon I was out riding with a friend, practicing. We stopped for a break and I checked my cell to find a voicemail from my mom, asking me to call her to "discuss this bike business". :lol:

She didn't understand, and probably still doesn't. (She posted on my Facebook wall a few days later, asking me "What in the hell were you thinking???") :lol: I know she's scared for me. But I assured her that I took the MSF course, am learning as much as I can about riding safely, have all the gear and wear it all the time.

I'm 40, married and on my own since I was 18, with two kids of my own. Yet I'm still her daughter and she's gonna worry. My parents know I'm not reckless, but they also know that no matter how safe I am, it's the other guy that we can't control.

As Cyclone said, they may eventually accept it, or it may be that topic we don't bring up.

Best of luck in your decision on whether or not to say anything, what to say if you do decide, and their response!! :hug2:

[Murray211]

I haven't told my mom yet, either. She worries when I drive to and from work so I'm going to hold off for a little while until she can get the bigger picture - I'm riding with people, not really on the road, with all the gear, etc. etc.

I expect the lecture and then some. But the motorcycle is worth it! :D

[Cyclone67]

Or here's a thought - it has worked well for me. Just join the Army, your Mom will have a lot more bigger things to worry about! Motorcycles become a serious afterthought.:lol:

[monstergirl]

Lots of good ideas!
My favorites so far are... "it followed me home." and "join the army." ;):

I always wonder what my mom would have said if I had gotten a chance to tell her about riding. She passed away 8 years ago and I started riding 6 years ago, so I never had to stress her out about it. However, I always have the feeling that after getting a little more comfortable with the idea that she might have enjoyed a ride on the back through the high desert where she lived. Maybe that's just what I want to believe, but she was getting into trying out new things.

Anyway, I agree that most likely your mother will not be excited to hear your wonderful news. It seems that education can be the key to becoming more comfortable with most things in life. Remind her about your classes, practice, and send her pictures of you in your protective gear. Acknowledge her fears and admit to your own so she knows you aren't out in la-la land about riding. Remind her how happy it makes you to ride. And even though I'm not a mom, I do know that moms want their kids to be happy! Maybe check in with her often when riding.

I hope your discussion goes as well as it can. It sounds like you have reasonable expectations, so that will make it better for you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[sweptwingnut]

Lots of good ideas!
My favorites so far are... "it followed me home." and "join the army." ;):

I always wonder what my mom would have said if I had gotten a chance to tell her about riding. She passed away 8 years ago and I started riding 6 years ago, so I never had to stress her out about it. However, I always have the feeling that after getting a little more comfortable with the idea that she might have enjoyed a ride on the back through the high desert where she lived. Maybe that's just what I want to believe, but she was getting into trying out new things.

Anyway, I agree that most likely your mother will not be excited to hear your wonderful news. It seems that education can be the key to becoming more comfortable with most things in life. Remind her about your classes, practice, and send her pictures of you in your protective gear. Acknowledge her fears and admit to your own so she knows you aren't out in la-la land about riding. Remind her how happy it makes you to ride. And even though I'm not a mom, I do know that moms want their kids to be happy! Maybe check in with her often when riding.

I hope your discussion goes as well as it can. It sounds like you have reasonable expectations, so that will make it better for you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

:thumbsup: Well said!

[YahmahaDawn]

I got my first bike last year at 45 and I waited for weeks before I told my Mother(oops my daughter let the cat out of the bag)She was not happy about it and still worries but she knows that I am not reckless.I have gotten the correct gear taken my BRC and practice.Since seeing how much I am loving this she is cautiously supportive.Good Luck !

[msyzf2u]

Or here's a thought - it has worked well for me. Just join the Army, your Mom will have a lot more bigger things to worry about! Motorcycles become a serious afterthought.:lol:


:wootrock: :clapping: :thumbsup:

[msyzf2u]

Absolutally no tickets or accidents will go along way to calm down and ease the worries of loved ones.

She made you from scratch after all, and does have a vested interest :)

Take lots of classes, heck, invite your mom to take the BRC with you, it will make her a better driver as well as show her how well trained you are becoming.

AND.....

It will introduce her to the wonderful world of motorcycle people you are joining

:)

[Batgirl]

My mom rode before I was even a thought, so when I told her I wanted to ride, she was worried, of course, but also supportive. She knew I would take MSF, wear all the gear, all the time and would not be a reckless rider. With that said, this is just a guess at something you could do to help the situation.

When you tell your mom, sit down and really talk to her about why you wanted to learn to ride, why you chose the bike you did, why you enjoy riding now, the feeling that you get from riding, the types of things that you learned before starting and the types of things that you continue to practice in a safe environment. Maybe hearing these type things will help her understand your desire and help alleviate some of her fears. Then you won't be riding a motorcycle just because it's cool, you will have shown her your passion for it.

Or lastly, you could pick up an even more dangerous hobby and then she won't mind the motorcycle so much. Lion taming, alligator wrestling, something along those lines maybe. :lol:

[ImaSoftT]

lecruz I can sympathize with your situation. I'm a LOT older than you and it took me 2 years before I told my Mom that I was a solo rider. She had known for several years that I rode as a passenger, but I was sure she would worry herself into the grave if she knew I was out there on my own bike. But there came a time when I could no longer keep my 'little secret' and I had to fess up to the truth. To my surprise she was really more at ease with me being in control than she was at the thought that I was putting my fate was in someone else's hands, even though that someone was my husband of more than 20 years.

After all she knows me almost better than I know myself and she knows what I am capable of and how I respond in a crisis. Yes she still worries, I would not be such a lucky daughter if she did not, but she accepts that I will ride with the same responsible attitude that I have tried to live by all my life. And I'm sure she does her fair share of knee time over my riding, but hey, a little extra prayer on our behalf can only help, right. So I would say tell your Mom, reassure your Mom of all the things that others above have mentioned and then accept the fact that she will worry about and pray for you, but I'm pretty sure that is something she is already doing on a daily basis.

[ReadySetGo]

I am most definetly in agreeance with everyones opinions on how to approach telling your Mom. I have been a rider for about six years now and I am 41 with two grown children and a grandbaby. My sister also bought a bike at about the same time that I got mine. We were both scared to death to tell my mother, but my husband was also teaching my youngest daughter to ride, so the cat was out of the bag. You can't keep secrets when you have a 14 year old.

To my amazement my mom was mad at us for trying to keep it a secret and wanted to learn herself. I took my little TTR125 dirt bike up to her house and let her try to practice with clutch release and throttle control in first gear. It is amazing how fast a dirt bike can go in first when rider is not used to the controls. My mom ended up jumping a ditch, doing a wheelie and running into a tree. When we finally caught up with her, she decided that she would have more fun on the back, so periodically we take her for a spin. She absolutely loves it. I think maybe a CanAm would be more her style. There is still hope.

Whatever decision you make, I wish you the best and while your practicing and learning your way through your riding adventures, please remember to ride your own ride. I ride with the teacher of the MSF courses down here and sometimes when riders just complete these courses, they try to ride every ride with seasoned riders. Our group is respectfull and we do wait at stop signs, but some new riders are paying attention more to keeping up instead of finding their comfort zone. This is probably advice you have already heard but it can't hurt to repeat it.

Again, Good Luck and may you find a Happy Zone in your heart on how to share this with your Mom. :):

[motochica]

or you can do what I did. Show up at her house and tell her it followed me home :lol:

:rofl::rofl:

I like that one, LT!!

[theWolfTamer]

I got my first bike at 30. Dad was thrilled, Mom not so much. She accepted it because she knew that's what I wanted. I took the MSF before getting the bike then I conspicuously read motorcycling books in front of her, like Proficient Motorcycling.

Now she loves to hear about my rides and patiently sits through boring video, making comments like "you should have passed them sooner" or "I thought you were supposed to be fast". It's what makes her the Best Mom in the World (at least for me).

I don't know that all mothers come around so well but some things are better when you get them out there and you can relieve some of her fears by sharing some of the knowledge you gain about the sport, letting her know you have a realistic view of it, and that you understand the risks.

[Luna Tique]

:rofl::rofl:

I like that one, LT!!


:D:
We battled my entire teenage years because we were very much the same.
When I ( or Mom) got set to do something there was NO POINT in trying to change it.
She thought my bike was pretty but wondered when I was going to wash it. :shrug:

You see I had been riding for a few weeks before I showed it to her and since I liked to ride it every day rain or shine I felt winter would be the perfect time to wash it.

She frown on that idea :lol:

[Abosit]

We have some similarities LT,
I left an afternoon ( I was 19 or 20) my mom asked me where I was going that afternoon, I answered...going to by a bike....she thought I was joking!......After a few hours and riding in first gear through the whole busy city of Barcelona arrived home and that was it.
No more questions.....if she would have said something,
I would have said, ...told you so!!!

Looking back after 45 years, that was what the circumstances asked for.
Every situation is different.....so each person will find the right approach for them.

[Gitana]

I'm not all that close to my mother. I learned a long time ago that telling her the bare bones she needs to know about my life works a lot better for me. I don't need her constant nagging and disapproval, so I've just eliminated her knowing anything that will produce that reaction.

[lecruz]

Great advice everyone! It was really helpful. So yes that means I finally told her. Before making the call, I wrote down a few go-to phrases in case my emotions got carried away and I needed to sound confident again. I told her that I'm learning an exciting hobby. She told me that hobby was dangerous (as expected). I proceeded with my prepared "I wear all my gear, I took a safety riding course, etc." In the end her approach was that I already made my decision. I said that I know she's going to worry about me and that I'll call her sometimes to share stories if she was willing to hear them. I could hear her starting to cry and that broke my heart then I started crying. I told her about my blog (I write about my experiences with learning) and said I'd send her the link. The conversation ended with a I love you. In the end I'm very proud of myself for telling her and it went better than expected. But still hurts like hell to hear your mother crying, ya know? Hope this experience won't stop me from riding. Thanks TWF. You're really there for us when we need you!!

[Astir]

:hug2:

:wootrock:

[zee]

:hug2:

[Luna Tique]

:hug2:

[Cyclone67]

I bet your Mom will grow to love hearing and seeing about your adventures!

I am thinking about getting a sidecar so I can take my Mom on some. Her skins way to fragile at this point to ever ride pillion, but I know she would love to ride in a sidecar again (her Dad had one).

[lerxstqueen]

:clapping:

That's wonderful you were able to muster up the courage to tell your mom about this new chapter in your life. You seem like a very sensible and thoughtful person and I'm sure she knows that these characteristics will manifest themselves through your riding ability and awareness on the road!

[ridingAK]

I'm glad you aren't keeping your riding a secret. Even though mom may disapprove, she would undoubtably be more upset if you hid something so important from her. Something I learned recently, most of the people I talked to who heard about my riding long distances solo were not so much disapproving, as they were surprised. The typical comment was "you are so brave." For moms it may be tough, but under it all, I suspect they are having the same reaction. "Wow, my daughter is really something special!"

[canoepa]

or you can do what I did. Show up at her house and tell her it followed me home :lol:


I like it! I do have to say, great advice LT.

My mother wasn't happy when I first told her, but she didn't say anything about her dislike until she knew I was trying to sell my first bike. She said she was praying it would sell soon. Needless to say, she didn't realize my next sentence was going to be that I bought a different bike. She still doesn't like the idea, but she supports me. A few years after I got married, I had to tell her that I was an adult and it was time for her to treat me like one. Ever since, she is still my mother with concern, but also a friend who will always be there.

Hang in there. You may cross a few rough patches with her, but it will eventually smooth out.

[Luna Tique]

:angel: it broke the ice. :rofl:

[lahlah]

Just tell her. I'm 38, I had a brother die from a motorcycle accident in '96. I just said to her mom i bought a motorcycle, she did'nt believe me. She said "No you did'nt", i said ok. So one day while i was out riding i rode by her house. She looked strange for about 10 minutes, but after me showing her all of my protective gear and assuring her that i wont be doing any stunts; she finished with "just be careful". Now she'll even call me on nice riding days and be like "you riding today?" and of course you know i'm always like " U kno i am"! So i say just tell her.

[lecruz]

Just tell her. I'm 38, I had a brother die from a motorcycle accident in '96. I just said to her mom i bought a motorcycle, she did'nt believe me. She said "No you did'nt", i said ok. So one day while i was out riding i rode by her house. She looked strange for about 10 minutes, but after me showing her all of my protective gear and assuring her that i wont be doing any stunts; she finished with "just be careful". Now she'll even call me on nice riding days and be like "you riding today?" and of course you know i'm always like " U kno i am"! So i say just tell her.

Wow lahah. Thanks for sharing. You are absolutely amazing! If you don't mind me asking, how did you come to the decision to ride?

[lecruz]

Thanks for the hugs everyone! I'm still feeling very proud of myself and things can only get better from here (I hope!).

[ReadySetGo]

:hug2: Here is another hug for ya. Being a mother myself, sometimes when my daughters have something to tell me (knowing I will not be happy about it), it can be overwhelming at first, but after a couple of days my mind readjusts and I am usually okay with it. My wish for you is that once it sinks in with your Mom that she will make calls asking about your adventure so that you can have a great conversation sharing your experiences. :pompom:

[lecruz]

:hug2: Here is another hug for ya. Being a mother myself, sometimes when my daughters have something to tell me (knowing I will not be happy about it), it can be overwhelming at first, but after a couple of days my mind readjusts and I am usually okay with it. My wish for you is that once it sinks in with your Mom that she will make calls asking about your adventure so that you can have a great conversation sharing your experiences. :pompom:
I don't know what it's like to have that kind of worry over someone you love, like your child. Thanks for your Mom-insight RSG!

[SheRidesABeemer]

Sorry can't help, I"m not that kind of mom...:lol:

My 16 year old...
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3213/5756448888_90088bb61e_z.jpg

[msyzf2u]

Sorry can't help, I"m not that kind of mom...:lol:

My 16 year old...
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3213/5756448888_90088bb61e_z.jpg


Awesome!

[Luna Tique]

Does your daughter like the 500 Ninja Gail?

[SheRidesABeemer]

We're still in the parking lot stage. I'm getting the shock adjusted tonight, it's still set up for the 190lbs previous owner. I tried doing it myself, but couldn't quite figure it out.
I enjoyed taking it around town!

[Luna Tique]

:thumbup:

[jfike]

i was 38 when i learned to ride.... how i told my mom?? i got caught parking the bike in the garage.... she didn't talk to me for 6 months..... oh, well, i didn't call her either... :redface: my mom and I haven't been close since i brought my hubby home to meet her.... she didn't think it would last you know.... we've been married now for 19 years and he's the reason i ride.. :rofl:

[zee]

:lol:

[Skotty]

I'm still waiting to tell my Dad I bought a bike. 42 years old & still don't want my Dad disapproving of me - sad really! He does knowI'm having lessons, response was "you don't need to ride motobikes" in a gruff voice. I have told my Mum & my sisters about the purchase, but not workmates, and other friends have no idea. It's probablya mid-life crisis, my husband left 18 months ago with his girlfriend & my boyfriend of the last 12 months rides, so I'n learning. Trying to get my courage up to tell Dad. Took my sister a year to tell him about her tattoo!!

[Skotty]

So I told Dad last night. He said " I don't know why you want to ride a motorbike", but didn't comment much apart from that. he did ask, what type etc. These conversations never seem to go as badly as I think they might!

[waterlilly]

i was 38 when i learned to ride.... how i told my mom?? i got caught parking the bike in the garage.... she didn't talk to me for 6 months..... oh, well, i didn't call her either... :redface: my mom and I haven't been close since i brought my hubby home to meet her.... she didn't think it would last you know.... we've been married now for 19 years and he's the reason i ride.. :rofl:

It must be a canuck thing as my story is much the same...:roflmao:

But to the young lady with the question:
Life is precious, you are now at an age were alot of things will start happening.
Some good, some not. You have choosen to ride a bike that will give you a lot of
pleasure. For some us riding is an escape to get a way from four walls. Cars have walls so hence the bike.
I do have a point here and when your on a open road riding thru some beautiful scenic areas. My point will come to mind.:):

Just tell your mom, clear your mind, and then ride safe young lady.

[lecruz]

So I told Dad last night. He said " I don't know why you want to ride a motorbike", but didn't comment much apart from that. he did ask, what type etc. These conversations never seem to go as badly as I think they might!

So proud of you! And I totally agree Skotty! We usually build them up in our head, but that's because we love our parents and don't want them to feel worried or disappointed. Now that we got that over with, we can FULLY enjoy our ride! No (okay maybe less) guilt!!

[terraunbound]

One thing I learned from when my sister was skydiving... talk to the parents after the ride. Otherwise they just worry for hours waiting for your all-clear call... and we forget to do that. Doesn't matter that I'm in my 40's - I don't like to leave folks hanging.

For our upcoming week-long trip, I think daily txt msgs will suffice. Yeah, we're still alive and having a great time.

[Skotty]

One thing I learned from when my sister was skydiving... talk to the parents after the ride. Otherwise they just worry for hours waiting for your all-clear call... and we forget to do that. Doesn't matter that I'm in my 40's - I don't like to leave folks hanging.

For our upcoming week-long trip, I think daily txt msgs will suffice. Yeah, we're still alive and having a great time.
Apparently being as parent never wears off. My mother still sometimes congratulates me for finishing my dinner, & I'm 43 this year.:lol: Took till I was 20 for her to stop trying to hold hands when crossing roads I reckon!

[ImaSoftT]

Don't you girls think it will change anytime soon, I'm old enough to be your mother and my Momma still wants me to call the minute I get home from a ride. So most of the time I just don't tell her unless it's an over night ride. I guess once a worry wart, always a worry wart or maybe they are just really good Moms.

[terraunbound]

Apparently being as parent never wears off. My mother still sometimes congratulates me for finishing my dinner, & I'm 43 this year.:lol: Took till I was 20 for her to stop trying to hold hands when crossing roads I reckon!

And now I'm the one holding my mom's hand to cross the road. Somethings never change :)

[Cyclone67]

Wow, I guess I have the most chilled out Mom. She has never really freaked out over my exploits. Even when I deploy -- it's like "see ya later". I remember coming home once as a kid after faceplanting on my bike after going no hands down a huge hill. Came home with a split lip, road rash on my face and screwed up hands. My Mom was just like "how was your day?!!".

[ridingAK]

So C67, is it possible we are sisters? :lol: My mom was always pretty easy going about my activities also. She had to be, I was such a tomboy growing up that I always had a new cut or bruise somewhere! I think she was relieved when I started riding motorcycles, it kept me from climbing trees and hanging upside down from the top branches! :D:

[Cyclone67]

Maybe we were separated at birth! My sister always told me that the milk man dropped me off :lol:

[TW200_CA]

Cyclone & RidingAK - add me to the sisterhood too!! My mom has been AWESOME about riding. When I first told her, I thought she would flip. Not at all. She thought about for a few seconds, then said,

"when I was younger I did plenty of crazy things on a 2500-lb horse. Everyone needs some excitement in their life and I don't see how this is any different. I know you and hubby are level-headed and smart and will do all the right things, and I hope you have lots of fun with it."

When hubby and I went to pick up the second TW new at the dealer, we were also getting TW #1 from the shop so we asked if she could give us a ride there so we could both ride back. She was thrilled to be asked and she even insisted on "meeting the new family member" and talking a picture of "all 4 of you" in the parking lot before we rode off.

Coolest. Mom. EVER :wootrock:

(Didn't mention that she is also crazy brilliant and had an amazing career as an epidemiologist, working to save lives in the early days of the AIDS epidemic...seriously coolest mom ever :worthy:)

[ImaSoftT]

Coolest. Mom. EVER :wootrock:

It sure makes spreading your wings and trying new and exciting things when you know your Mom is not at home chewing her finger nails down to the elbow. And that doesn't mean they probably didn't worry about you getting hurt, it just means they knew the importance of giving you enough space to test your own limits. http://www.twowheelfemales.com/forum/images/smilies/TwoThumbs%20Up.gif

[TW200_CA]

It sure makes spreading your wings and trying new and exciting things when you know your Mom is not at home chewing her finger nails down to the elbow. And that doesn't mean they probably didn't worry about you getting hurt, it just means they knew the importance of giving you enough space to test your own limits. http://www.twowheelfemales.com/forum/images/smilies/TwoThumbs%20Up.gif

Exactly right. I think it was maybe too because my mom was much older when she had me (mid-40's), and I think older parents tend to be a bit more laid-back. But my mom has always made it clear that she trusts me and respects my decision-making abilities, and you know what? There was no better way for me to get motivated to make good decisions. I am a big fan :D:

[YahmahaDawn]

I took my bike to the next level...I-90 and the Northway.It went really well.My Husbands nerves were bad enough to deal with before the ride.I waited to tell my Mom till after the fact.She was really proud of me for tackling a new challenge but still has concerns about the bike.It is just so far outside her comfort level she can't even begin to understand my new found love of riding.I hope I never stop learning and trying new things.You never know when you will experience something amazing .:wootrock:

[JourneyAbout]

This thread was just what I needed! I can't believe so many of you have the same situation. I'm 36 years old. I met my husband when we were 17 and we have been on our own since 18. They still approach things like I'm 10 years old. And I LET THEM. Sheesh!

We put off buying bikes about a year ago because I was too scared of telling them. :slaphead: I probably have ulcers from worrying about telling them. We took our written test this winter and got permits and signed up for the class. I bought my bike about a month ago. My grandmother has pancreatic cancer and they gave her only 6 weeks or so to live so my mom has been doing shifts with her sisters to take care of her. I knew it wasn't the time to say anything and cause her more stress. BUT, we all camped at our local fairgrounds over the 4th and I wanted my brother in law to see it.....so I rode in on it. My dad was there...mom wasn't. All he said was "Oh no." Then the looks started...then....my husband told him it was only a 250 and he gave us the old...."It's the other people" and "You can still get killed on that"...then " Your mom is going to be so upset". Well, he was wild in his youth and wrecked his Harley...it was the 60's and he was probably under the influence of multiple things. :rolleyes: So, true to form he keeps eyeing it. I try to avoid him. He asks me a few questions...where I got it...stuff....then........I knew it...."Can I take it for a spin?" Ha ha. I thought of asking for a deposit first but I knew I needed the brownie points. :roflmao:

Later he texted my mom "Jennifer bought a motorcycle". She replied "What for?" Dad said "To ride." That was all. My mom showed up later and saw it but has never acknowledged it. I think us all dealing with my grandmother has deflected things. We've lost a lot of family members in the last few years and it really reinforces that life is short and you should enjoy it NOW because you are not guaranteed a tomorrow.

I find it so amazing that the parent/child relationship can stay so strong after so long...where grown women with their own kids and grandkids are still afraid to tell their parents things.

[ImaSoftT]

Thanks for sharing your story Journey, your Dad sounds like a pretty cool dude, and the family camp out sounds like tons of fun, any pictures you would like to share, huh huh huh. :lol: You are so right about the parent/child thing never changing and lasting forever, but sometimes that can be somewhat comforting.

Sorry to hear your Grandmother is ill, it is such a blessing that she has your Mom and aunts to take care of her.

[biikChiQ]

BOY i enjoyed reading the stories here! LOL. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

I am pretty open with my mom and I don't like hiding anything from her, even if I do, it'll come out sooner than later. I told all 4 of my brothers and one of my cousins found out through facebook and blurted it out during a family gathering and my mom overheard.
My mom called me and I just told her that I didn't want her to worry. She told me to stop and that if I didn't want to get rid of my bike, then to keep the bike in my garage as an antique just for looks. She did tell me she's strongly against riding, but she knows she can't control me but as long as she had let me know.

My fiances mom, its even harder for her when she found out shortly after my incident. When she found out her son was riding, she gave him an earful the entire night when we went over for dinner. The next day, she left a super long voicemail telling him she loved him alot and that he should sell his motorcycle then went on to tell him about a police officer that had gotten killed on his motorcycle. (which we have heard more than a trillion times- but with all respect to the officer.)
Usually my mil would come to me to ask for my support to discourage her son in the stuff she sees that she doesn't like, but she didn't say a word to me, because my motorcycle was right next to his.

[mairAgain]

I got my license and first bike at 41. When I told my mom she got a frightened look and just said "I never want to hear anything about it", and that's just how I handled it. After she died, I got closer to my dad. I was excited when he asked about my bike and told him that life had gotten busy and it had been sitting in the garage mostly unused for a few years. He said he was glad and hoped it stayed there. I guess he wasn't too happy about it either.

My daughter is 22 and recently mentioned that she was thinking about taking a MSF course and learning to ride. She's been riding on the back with DH since she was 9 or so. My heart stopped, but I hope that I've got enough courage to support her if she decides to give this a try.

[Luna Tique]

Thanks for sharing your stories. It is very interesting to hear everyones "moment of truth" with their Moms and how each of you handled it. :thumbup:

[indianscout]

Well, he was wild in his youth and wrecked his Harley...it was the 60's and he was probably under the influence of multiple things. :rolleyes:



Keep in mind the motorcycle world was much different back then than it is today but yet they don't realize this and causes some worries too. Like others have said, you only hear about the bad and not the good causing the parental instincts to kick in. You'll always be her baby regardless of how old you may be. I've worked several stories in the air on large commercial construction projects, worked around heavy equipment, raced cars, skydived along with many other dangerous things over the years. Yet as dangerous as they are, the only time my mother told me to "be careful" was went I took off on my motorcycle.......

[VirginiaMom]

I am so sorry to resurrect an old thread, I know a lot of people hate that, but I really loved reading all of your stories. I can very much relate! I think a lot of new women riders would love to read this. Apparently I'm not the only one after all, who still worries what Mum will say! I think it comes down to loving our mothers, respecting their opinions, and not wanting to worry them. My mom was a bit concerned, but she loved to ride on the back of her brothers' & my dad's bikes for many years, too. She and Dad hope to ride again one day, so there wasn't too much objection. Maybe one day we can all take a big family vacation on our bikes! Now I just have to get my husband on board... He doesn't mind ME riding, he just wants nothing to do with it. That saddens me because I think there is so much fun to be had for a couple riding together. Our oldest daughter brushes him off & says that's fine, we'll make it a girl trip! She loves a road trip as much as I do and has plans for us to GO! Heck, with as many kids as I have, we can just start our own biker gang. :lol:

[ridingAK]

Around here, resurrecting old threads is welcomed! :thumbsup:

[phoenix63]

When I started riding last summer, my Mom said something I'll never forget.

A bit of background: my Mom isn't the same person she used to be. She's had several small strokes, some seizures (due to hardening of the arteries in the brain), and lots of short term memory loss. It's getting harder to watch/listen to, every time I talk with her.

My dad used to ride Harleys, back in the '50s/early '60s. One of the family stories is that Dad & Mom used to put me between them, on the bike, when I was about 2 years old (remember, this is pre-ATGATT era), and I'd fall asleep against Dad's back going down the road.

When I began riding, she looked at me with a very concerned look on her face. I knew she wanted to lecture. Instead, she commented, very quietly. "Your dad would be very proud of you, knowing all you've come through in the last year. Even though he'd be concerned for your safety, he'd be proud that you're riding, too."

That was all she said. Then, she hugged me. Her way of expressing concern, yet trust that I was going to learn everything I could (kinda the way I've always been), and do my best to be safe.

[ImaSoftT]

That's a beautiful story Phoenix and it proves that when parents do their job really well, their children grow up to be independent responsible adults, and your Mom and Dad did their job REALLY REALLY WELL. :hug2: and here's one for your Mom too :hug2:

[LNS_obsessed]

I had it easy. My sister got her license/bike first. She was the one who always did the tomboy stuff growing up. So the motorcycle was probably the safest thing she did. LOL

I was still a passenger on the back of my bf's bike while my mom was here. I didn't get my first bike until last year after she was gone.

[ImaSoftT]

LNS, I'm sorry to hear that you can't share your excitement with your Mom, but I'm sure you and your sister will share many happy miles together.

Oh and VAMom, I hope your Mom and Dad do get the chance to get back in the saddle. There is something about riding that tends to blow all the cobwebs of getting older away even if it is just for a little while. :thumbsup:

[GraeBird]

VAMom - have fun with your daughter. That will be a blast. Hopefully your husband will get interested too. But if not - just enjoy the journeys with your kids! And just for the record - my mom HATES that I ride. I have to hide any facebook status about bikes from her!!!

Phoenix... that was a really beautiful story with so many lessons! Thank you for sharing your mom with us!!! She sounds like a beautiful person.

[mtnski]

I thought my mom was going to flip out, but it was actually my husband's mom who did! He started riding as a teenager - now in his 40's - and she must of thought he got it out of his system then. Well, he didn't and he also gave me the bug to ride. LOVE IT! She's not happy that I enjoy it, too.

My mom saw the bikes in our garage one day, so I told her that the blue one was mine and the green one was his. She just said, "oh - okay"! She later told me that she wasn't surprised at all because I was always the tomboy who was into trying everything at least once. What can I say?

I think you know when the right time is to say something or not. Try not to feel guilty about it though. I know it will be hard, but you won't enjoy it if you are unhappy.

[demenshea]

I swear...i have the most supportive mom ever, but I was afraid to tell her I was buying another motorcycle. I just knew I'd hear that big *sigh* on the other end of the phone and I was not disappointed. ;):

She accepts my riding, but still wishes I take up knitting instead. I told her I already knit! :rofl:

[phoenix63]

But, at least you don't knit while riding, Dee! :lol:

Would that be KNATTGAT? Knitting Not All The Gear All The Time? (the K is silent, of course)

[ImaSoftT]

:rofl:

[LNS_obsessed]

LNS, I'm sorry to hear that you can't share your excitement with your Mom, but I'm sure you and your sister will share many happy miles together.

Oh and VAMom, I hope your Mom and Dad do get the chance to get back in the saddle. There is something about riding that tends to blow all the cobwebs of getting older away even if it is just for a little while. :thumbsup:

I don't know that my mom would be excited to hear about my rides. She was pretty good about not nagging about the riding (which was HUGE for her since she was such a worrier) but I don't think she would have been excited. LOL

As far as riding with my sister, we never seem to have bikes at the same time. I told her if she wanted, she could use mine when I finally upgrade. We'll see if she decides to. She lives 45 miles away so it takes 45 mins to even get to her house for a ride.

[ImaSoftT]

Well there you go, another reason for a 45 minute ride...everybody needs to go see their sister, and what better way to go than on a bike. :thumbsup:

[sincityzchick]

I hadn't even thought of telling my mom until I read this. However as luck would have it she called this morning to tell me about her mother's family reunion. of course she wants me to go. This event is in August. The problem is that I was hoping to have gotten good at my riding skills so that I could trailer my bike to Sturgus. That was my riding goal. I feel that could be a once in a lifetime event.
My point is I could swing both if my friend will go without me and I could fly up. But that means I would need to tell my mom why I'm hitting and running their event. :{ I'm sure that wont go ever well.

[Scooterpie]

Lecruz - I learned to ride last year when I was 46 and didn't tell my mom until after I finished the course and had a motorcycle.

[LNS_obsessed]

Well there you go, another reason for a 45 minute ride...everybody needs to go see their sister, and what better way to go than on a bike. :thumbsup:

Actually, we do ride that way a lot on the bikes cuz right near her house is the best ice cream in the world. http://kimballfarm.com Riding season was over when they closed for the season. Coincidence? I think not. ;) There are four locations and we love to ride to all of them. Most are in country setting and you'll see a ton of bikes there when you stop. I'll take pictures this year and post them for ya.

[ImaSoftT]

I'll take pictures this year and post them for ya.

Now you're talking our language. :yahoo:

[LNS_obsessed]

Ok. This is a picture of their "Special" which is a banana split, without the banana. It costs about $6.

http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6053/6852122026_1a89d0bf4a.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/25985182@N05/6852122026/)

Pictures of bikes will follow.... they open next weekend. :yahoo:

[ridingAK]

Yum!

[ImaSoftT]

What is this a BYOB ice cream shop? :shrug:

[LNS_obsessed]

What is this a BYOB ice cream shop? :shrug:

If you are asking about the bananaless split, no. They just offer that option cuz I think there were some folks who just didn't want the banana. Take that where you want to, ladies.

They also have a grill with burgers, seafood and such. Which is why I have to order large gear. :drool:

[ridingAK]

:rofl:

[GraeBird]

:rofl:

[msyzf2u]

:rofl:

[JourneyAbout]

Lol! I'm sure the bananaless is good too....but I prefer a banana in my banana split! :rofl:


If you are asking about the bananaless split, no. They just offer that option cuz I think there were some folks who just didn't want the banana. Take that where you want to, ladies.

[Melissakins]

My folks are polite about my riding, Mom tends to change the subject, but I had an interesting conversation a couple weeks ago with my dad when I went to visit them for one of my sister's baby shower her friends threw her.

We sat up til after 11 talking bikes. That is surprising because he's an early to bed kinda guy :) I'm almost 40. We talked about my class, about how when he and my mom were in Germany they had off road bikes - BMW's that airmen basically threw away for parts because during the 60's/early 70's they couldn't afford to take them home with them when they got their tours out of Germany. Dad would take them, fix them up and they'd go riding through the woods of Germany - BOTH my mom and dad :) I told him about my gear, about riding in the parking lots which I had only ridden in, through the neighborhood for the first time, etc.

My mom still doesn't want to hear about it because I'm her kid and she worries....So I post about it in Facebook. She "liked" my graduation picture from my class...so hey, that's a step in the right direction :) Hell, I worry about myself too....it's only natural.